THE ORIGINAL ASIA to play the House of Blues, April 20 —-
Worst part about it? I had “Africa” by Toto in my head for the rest of the night. That’s not even a song by Asia. I expect tomorrow I’ll get a press release about Europe’s reunion tour and end up humming Neil Diamond’s “America” for the rest of the day.
Side note: Check that date. How many people you think are going to end up at that show because they’ve gotten high and someone said “Hey you know what’d be awesome….?”
Hey, how’s it going? Not sure if you’re aware of this, but here is an excerpt from a press release I received yesterday about your upcoming tour. The CAPS are your publicist’s own:
EAT HIM, DRINK HIM,
DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH HIM:
“MUTILATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY”
MANSON IS ON TOUR AGAIN
That was the first one. Then here were some other excerpts from yet another release I received not two hours later:
“Joining Manson and Twiggy onstage for the U.S. leg of the Rape of the World Tour…”
“Expectations for the upcoming tour are best described by quoting one of Manson’s most infamous lyrics, ‘Everyone will suffer now’.”
“Looks like the shit is gonna hit the FANS.”
Really, dude? “Rape of the World?” “The shit is gonna hit the FANS?” What does that even mean?
Just stop this nonsense. Do you know that every time something like this happens, you remind people of this Onion headline? It’s true. Don’t stop trying to make a career of it, but let’s maybe think about some minor adjustments to the marketing plan, OK?
Actual press release I received this week (with subject heading that read “Shiri Appleby Wears Katie Zorn to Movie Rock’s![sic]” “Shiri Appleby wears Katie Zorn to Conde Nast Media Group’s Movies Rock 2007 New York, NY December 2, 2007–Katie Zorn is pleased to announce that Shiri Appleby, star of upcoming Charlie Wilson’s War, wore her deep V dress to the star studded event.”
Too bad Shiri Appleby doesn’t look very pleased. Seriously, have you ever seen a sadder face on a person? It looks like she’s being forced to wear a dress once worn by Miss Puerto Rico. If you’re going to cross-promote with someone (and the inclusion of her new film there clues you in to exactly what’s going on here), at least take a decent picture of her. Then again, maybe she looks like that because someone asked “Hey Shiri, how come your character’s name in the film is Jailbait.” (I really wish I was making that up.)
Also, can we declare a moratorium on the use of the word “rocks?” In the last few days I’ve seen that “Movies Rock” (or in the case of the release above “Rock’s”) “Change Rocks” (the evidence offered in the form of Jeff Tweedy and Stephan Jenkins certain begs the contrary) and “Chicago Rocks” (heard in an on-air promo for The Loop radio station, which then listed several things that supposedly rock including “Millennium Park” which almost made me run off the road). Then, of course, there’s the old chestnut “Cleveland Rocks” and the less said about that the better. (“Chinese Rocks,” on the other hand, is a total different story.)
I’m not even sure what “Rocks” is functioning as in the above examples. Predictive adjective? Verb? And if it’s a verb, what exactly is being rocked? We as a collective? The universe? I’m not a total curmudgeon though so let’s agree to limit its use to only incidences where music is involved and a direct or indirect object is in evidence.
I know that makes it sounds like Steve Perry was lost somewhere in Manila, but no. Apparently, Journey have been on the hunt for a new singer because the public demands it. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s the press release I got today (which, like me, is way late to the game but I can’t resist an easy post these days so here we go):
JOURNEY WELCOMES ARNEL PINEDA WITH “OPEN ARMS” TO THEIR FAMILY AS THE BAND’S NEW LEAD SINGER
Proving that Journey is incapable of issuing a press release without a bad pun.
After much speculation…the wait is finally over.
Who was speculating? I mean, I wrote a whole post on the last guy who left and even I stopped thinking about it after I hit the Publish Post button.
JOURNEY–Neal Schon (guitar), Jonathan Cain (keyboards), Ross Valory (bass), Deen Castronovo (drums)–is proud to introduce fans all over the world to their new lead singer, Arnel Pineda (“pin-eh-da”). He replaces Jeff Scott Soto, who parted ways with the band earlier this year after stepping in for Steve Augeri, who had to leave the band in 2006 for medical reasons.
Arnel hails from Quezon City in the Philippines and has been singing Journey songs–in addition to original material–with his band, The Zoo, for the past couple of years in clubs all over his homeland. Joining the legendary band is a dream come true for him.
Now, you’re probably saying “They couldn’t find anyone in the U.S. who could be their lead singer?” The answer is yes. I think they just couldn’t find anyone in the U.S. willing to be their lead singer. So they went the Judas Priest route and plucked a guy from cover band obscurity.
Speaking of, this is The Zoo:
The fact that I can hear only two people clapping during the performance notwithstanding, I’d give the guy a 7, with 10 being Steve Perry and 1 being a drunk frat boy singing karaoke at Trader Todd’s after a Cubs game who intersperses drunken “Fuck yeaaaah”s every half a verse. I was going to go with an 8 but he needs to work on the “Woaaaaah”-derived aspects of his vocals. The band I’d give a 3 so I am pretty sure Arnel is not looking back.
“It’s so exciting to sing with one of the best bands in the world.
“But singing with Journey will be fun, too.” “It’ll be a lot of hard work on my part and I’m actually looking forward to the scrutiny I’ll get from the hardcore JOURNEY fans. I know they’ll expect me to sound exactly like ‘the voice’ (Steve Perry), but that will never happen. I know there’s only one Steve Perry in this world.”
Yes, and even he is saying “C’mon dude, ‘the voice’? That’s a bit much.”
When it was time for JOURNEY to look for a new lead singer, the internet came to their rescue. Guitarist Neal Schon wanted someone new to the music business…
…so that person would be unfamiliar with how royally screwed he was going to get…
…so he turned to YouTube. After finding Arnel singing “Faithfully,” he knew he had found the perfect frontman.
So Neal Schon used the exact same method I did five minutes ago to find a performance by Journey’s new lead singer.
“I was frustrated about not having a singer,” explains guitarist Neal Schon, “so I went on YouTube for a couple of days and just sat on it for hours.
Although apparently Neal is far less efficient than I am.
“I was starting to think I was never going to find anybody. But then I found The Zoo and I watched a bunch of different video clips that they had posted. [snip] Arnel doesn’t sound synthetic and he’s not emulating anyone.”
Um, dude was in a cover band. He madehisliving by at least somewhat emulating everyone.
“I tried to get a hold of him through YouTube and I finally heard from him that night…”
God, what a rough 12 hours that must have been.
“…but it took some convincing to get him to believe that it really was me and not an imposter.”
This seems overly paranoid on Pineda’s part, but I suppose if you are covering Journey songs every night, you’re expecting one of your friends to call you and say “Hi, this is Neal Schon and I want you to be the new lead singer of Journey” on a daily basis.
Arnel Pineda picks up the story: “My friend Noel picked up the message on YouTube and told me it was from Neal. I thought it was a hoax so I ignored it. Noel said, ‘what if it really was Neal and he wanted to offer you the chance of a lifetime?’ So I e-mailed Neal back and the rest is history.”
Well, not yet. But I’m giving it about six months before this is “history.”
JOURNEY is currently working on a new album with legendary producer Kevin Shirley, which they hope to release by spring/summer 2008. Details will be announced early next year.
If by “legendary” you mean “has produced some legendary bands’ lesser albums, then yes, legendary. Kevin Shirley appears to be the guy you go to at the end of your career which…seems about right in this case.
I received a press release today that contained this as its lede:
“Legendary BRONX ART FUNK group ESG (who will have the new feature song on Mini Cooper commercials nationally) will perform their LAST EVER SHOW in Chicago at the Estrojam Festival Friday, Sept 21st.”
Now, initially I felt this was the perfect indictment of the theory I’d previously railed against in a blog post not too long ago: that selling out is actually a good thing. But it turns out it’s not that simple. From Wikipedia:
“On May 9, 2007, ESG drummer Valerie Scroggins was indicted by a Brooklyn grand jury on charges of taking more than $13,000 in workers’ compensation payments. Scroggins, a bus driver for the Metropolitan Transportation Authority (New York), told them that she suffered a shoulder injury last September. In November, Scroggins went on tour with ESG, where an MTA investigator filmed her playing “drums for an hour or more and on every song the band played, doing things very similar to actions she told her employers she could not perform,” according to the Brooklyn DA’s press release. Scroggins asserts that her injury is legitimate and that she could not safely drive a bus.”
So not only does the inclusion of your song in a commercial not lead to financial solvency, it doesn’t even mean that a member of a band with both longevity and respect – and ESG do have both – won’t consider committing (alleged) fraud in order to make ends meet.
I don’t mean to suggest there’s a cause and effect relationship here, but it’s far from a panacea either.
Hey wait, where you going? Come back, I promise this isn’t going to be depressing.
I think for anyone who follows media cycles, there comes a point when you sigh and say “That’s quite enough.” For me, it happens when all the stuff that’s being pushed on you is of middling to no value. It’s perhaps exacerbated by my failing to renew my subscription to The Economist.
In any case, I present this list of Things Whose Ubiquity Is Indirectly Proportional To My Level Of Excitement About Them: * The Simpsons Movie * Local stage productions of “High School Musical” * Silverchair’s new album (I swear I get 1-2 press releases a week about this thing) * The Redwalls’ new album (ditto) * Michael’s return to Lost * Meltdowns by Lindsay and Britney * A really blurry video of Beyonce falling * Flash Gordon returning to TV
OK, that last one’s a lie. The buzz on that is proportional to my level of interest (“mild”). Mainly, it’s been stoked by TOC‘s TV editor Margaret Lyons who keeps inquiring if I’m looking forward to it, followed by me correcting her that it is this Flash and not that one, that I follow.
Speaking of, the most recent Flash, Bart Allen, died in last month’s issue, just as his mentor and uncle Wally West (the prior Flash) returned from a sort of self-imposed exile in the speed force. It’s a shame that the character was killed just as Marc Guggenheim was starting to shake off the awful Bilson/DeMeo re-launch. But worse than that is the possibility that DC has thrown out the baby with the bath water in an attempt to get the series back on its feet. It’s bad enough that DC bungled the character’s life, but worse than that they’ve bollixed up his death. Up until this 13-issue run, DC did a pretty good job of developing Bart Allen as he grew from Impulse to The Flash. But in the first few several issues of the relaunch, Bilson/DeMeo took a storied title and ran it into the ground by writing it as if they were crafting a discarded script for Smallville. Guggenheim came aboard and grounded the character, thanks to a job with the LAPD and a romantic interplay that resembled the hard choices and failings typical of your first adult relationship.
But it’s possible the damage was done. Plus, most readers still felt as if they were in a limbo over Wally West’s departure, unsure whether they should mourn his passing and embrace his successor or bide the time, and have patience with his placeholder. Per tradition, Bart Allen as The Flash died saving the world (not during a Crisis like his forebearers, but still) and received a similarly literary send-off (a quote from Sir Walter Scott that read “And come he slow, or come he fast, it is but death who comes at last”). But even with these ties to the past, his was a quick and senseless death, and quickly followed by the return of his much-loved uncle (and the much-loved Mark Waid who has a better ear for The Flash than anyone in the last 25 years). In giving so little weight to his death, DC tarnishes the spirit of the character.
The Flash is a harbinger of change in the DC Universe. And the death of a Flash has always been heavy with meaning. With so many changes yet to come for DC characters, and so little meaning attached to the loss of Bart Allen, I’m wondering if I’ll get that same “That’s quite enough” with comics, too.
Kudos to Journey’s publicist for her excellent timing. Issuing this on the heels of the Sopranos finale, which ended with the strains of “Don’t Stop Believing” is a brilliant move. I hope she treated herself by leaving early for the day, after a long lunch. Because honestly: raise your hand if you even knew Steve Augeri had been replaced as lead singer of Journey. Hell, raise your hand if you thought Steve Perry was still the lead singer of Journey. Steve Perry certainly seems to.
Also, can we get a moratorium on the use of the phrase “no pun intended” when clearly a pun was intended? JOURNEY ANNOUNCES DEPARTURE OF JEFF SCOTT SOTO
June 12, 2007 — Journey has parted ways with their recently named lead singer Jeff Scott Soto. Jeff’s first appearance with Journey was July 7, 2006 in Bristow, VA. He had been filling in for Steve Augeri, who had to leave the tour shortly after it began on June 23 due to illness. Jeff’s last performance was May 12, 2007 in Leesburg, VA.
According to guitarist Neal Schon, “We appreciate all of Jeff’s hard work and we can’t thank him enough for stepping in when Steve Augeri got sick last year. He did a tremendous job for us and we wish him the best. We’ve just decided to go our separate ways, no pun intended. We’re plotting our next move now.”
Keyboardist Jonathan Cain continues, “We were lucky to have a friend who was already a Journey fan step in on a moment’s notice during the Def Leppard tour to help us out. Jeff was always the consummate professional and we hope that he remains a friend of the band in the future. We just felt it was time to go in a different direction.”
Journey–Neal Schon (guitar), Ross Valory (bass), Jonathan Cain (keyboards) and Deen Castronovo (drums)—is taking the rest of 2007 off to spend time with their families, write new songs and map out plans for 2008.
Seriously, how private a party is it if you can get in by paying $100 bucks? That’s like thinking strippers really like you.
The press release that came with this was ripe for mockery, but in the end I just couldn’t do it. It felt like making fun of the slow kid in class.
No, really. The phrase “keeping it real” was used. And the title was “DAVID SCHWIMMER, BILLY DEC AND JOEY SLOTNICK RETURN TO THEIR ROOTS.” Yeah, nothing says returning to your roots like partying it up in a club that didn’t exist six months ago with a bunch of people who paid $100 to get in to an event where Paul Sevigny is considered a celebrity. Paul Sevigny is barely considered a celebrity in New York, for crying out loud. Hell, his sister Chloe Sevigny is barely considered a celebrity most days.
At first, I dismissed the second item in this set of entertainment briefs with a haughty “Oh well, it’s from the British press” and looked for the word “reportedly,” but then I noticed it was a pull-quote from FHM*, which means it’s probably nothing more than wishful thinking on Ms. Jameson’s part. But:
Porn star Jenna Jameson has named Scarlett Johansson as the actor she wants to see play her in a forthcoming biopic. Jameson, whose book, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale, is being made into a film, told FHM magazine: “We’re looking hopefully at Scarlett Johansson. She’s my choice. I think she’s beautiful.”
Lord knows I’ve also been looking hopefully at Scarlett Johansson, but honestly, I think I’ve got as much chance as Jenna does at *ahem* working with her. Then again, I didn’t believe she was recording an album of Tom Waits covers, so what do I know?
* * *
After receiving a press release from this site that laughingly claimed to promote a show with “Chicago’s top bands,” Tankboy and I started discussing musical prejudices today. Specifically, being able to predict with near-certainty whether or not a band will suck by looking at its name. He pointed out that “indie bands pick crap names just to mess with people, while suburbanite-style bands do it because they think the names are actually cool.” True enough, most days.
But then we checked out a band called Real Lunch that sent us a pitch e-mail. I thought it sounded like some weird unintentional combo of that post-mortem Beatles song and the William Burroughs novel, which I later discovered was intentional. A bad omen, that. Plus, they’re from the ‘burbs, still in college, and their frame-heavy website sports a ridiculous bio and a picture of their drummer’s bare ass. All of that was enough to dismiss them out of hand.
And yet …
Their bio (such as it is) mentions Ben Folds and Squeeze and the influences are so obvious, I wonder if it’s as calculated as their name. No matter. There’s also a heavy 70s AM radio vibe going on here as well, particularly in the solo that ends “In The Flood.” It’s immediately accessible music that hits all my New Wave love buttons, which may mean they’re terrible and I’m just a sucker for music that was popular when I was eight years old. Perhaps they’re just masters at catchy hooks that hide otherwise pedestrian music. Like putting truffle oil on regular potato chips to make them seem like more of a culinary achievement than they are. I don’t think that’s the case with these guys, but even if it is, that’s still an achievement.
* Look, I realize FHM isn’t exactly a paragon of reporting virtue, but I don’t think they’re in the business of making up quotes. Rewriting the laws of physics and anatomy through air-brushing on the other hand …
