It’s the moment with Senator Amy Klobuchar that sticks with me.

The testimony and questioning of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh was a microcosm of what women have to deal with every single day.

The need for women to “manage their emotions” to be “taken seriously.” The way men giving full vent to their anger and passion is a measure of just how serious they are.

The questions about whether a woman’s story should be believed if it is told publicly after a certain period of time – even if it’s already been told before to others in private because of the perilous stakes and consequences for women to report assault to any authority.

The dismissal of womens’ expertise, no matter how much education and experience they have or titles or degrees they earn. The way a woman feels she has to call upon all that education – at a level beyond the men to whom she’s speaking – to provide a scientific basis for her memory recall as part of her plea to be believed.

All this in the face of male entitlement and anger. Their gaslighting and attempts to flip a basic level of inquiry back on the questioner. A demand for her to prove either her right to participate in the discussion and confirm she is above reproach in the matter before he will acquiesce to a response.

Not to mention the way men let a woman be in the room to represent them as long as they can shove her to the side at any moment and say what they’re really thinking.

The way men will circle the wagons to protect their privilege and right to be wherever they feel they should be in whatever manner they feel.

(And, sadly, the way some women will do the same to protect the system they hope will protect them, even though that system wasn’t built for them.)

There were a lot of examples of the above in Dr. Blasey Ford and Judge Kavanaugh’s testimony.

But it was Kavanaugh’s moment with Klobuchar that sticks with me.

Klobuchar: “Was there ever a time that you couldn’t remember what happened or part of what happened the night before?”
Kavanaugh: “No. I remember what happened. And I think you’ve probably had beers, Senator.” [Kavanaugh smiles and gestures toward Senator Klobuchar.]
Klobuchar: “So you’re saying there’s never been a case where you drank so much that you didn’t happen the night before or part of what happened?”
Kavanaugh: “You’re asking about blackout…I don’t know. [Gestures toward Senator Klobuchar again.] Have you?” [Kavanaugh smiles, exhales, pauses.]
Klobuchar: “Could you answer the question, Judge? [Kavanaugh leans back in his chair, looks up and scowls.] “That’s not happened? Is that your answer?”
Kavanaugh: “Yeah, and I’m curious if you have.” [Kavanaugh gestures at Senator Klobuchar again.]
Klobuchar: “I have no drinking problem, Judge.”
Kavanaugh: “Yeah, nor do I.”

There it is.

The smarmy grin. The way he turns the question back on her to leave himself blameless. Dismissing the seriousness of the question while at the same time indicting her of the same offense. The gestures toward her. His effort to force her to answer the question before he will. The way she finally gives in and accepts his terms of the argument just so they can move on and she can get what she needs to do her job. Failing to get an acquittal through guilt by association, he offers his half-answer in response (“Nor do I”) which seems to run counter to his half-answer in the midst of his obfuscation (“I don’t know”).

It doesn’t matter at all that the reason Senator Klobuchar hasn’t blacked out from drinking is because she’s the daughter of an alcoholic and is “pretty careful about drinking,” in her words. It doesn’t matter than Judge Kavanaugh apologizes for the way he tried to dismiss the senator, particularly because it’s clear he did it after someone pulled him aside and told him exactly why that kind of pushback was going to spectacularly backfire on him.

Because none of this should have happened in the first place. But it did. And it does.

Senator Klobuchar’s expertise at navigating the exchange is evident. Because it’s no doubt happened to her many times.

It happens to every woman. It’s the minefield she walks through every day. It’s what women in secret Facebook groups and text threads and hushed conversations call the emotional labor of their lives.

Maybe it’s impossible for most men to conceptualize all the reasons why women don’t report assault.

But this moment between Senator Klobuchar and Judge Kavanaugh is a pretty good example of why.