Today I was working on the TOC site, and listening to the Hard Rock Cafe: 80s Heavy Metal compilation. If memory serves, I acquired this from a friend who works at a radio station and occasionally raids their prize closet before throwing a bunch of stuff in an envelope destined for Chicago (this is also how I acquired the KISS boxed set). Several weeks ago, I discovered that 80s heavy metal is the perfect genre to code to for three reasons:

1. Despite its volume – and often its misogyny – it’s pretty easy to ignore because most of it is performed by people who are not very bright (For instance: “I’m into total affection/Not being scared if you never please me” from “Lay It Down” by Ratt. I’ve had some less-than-ideal sexual experiences but I don’t think I’ve ever had a fear that I wouldn’t get an orgasm. Maybe a concern, but it never evolved into all-out fear.
2. Most 80s heavy metal – and man is that a loosely applied term when it comes to this collection – combines driving guitars and drums with aggressively poppy melodies. This is ideal sonic motivation for tasks that are largely devoid of intellectual thought.
3. Occasional involuntary air guitar/drums helps to keep my fingers loose and stave off carpal tunnel.

Anyway, all this is a precursor to saying I had a moment of sheer disappointment today when I realized I have been mis-hearing a lyric from White Lion’s “Wait” for years. I thought the lyric was:

Wait, wait – I never got the chance to lie to you
Now I only want to say I love you one more time

Not exactly Dylan, but not exactly Fergie either. In fact, I’d say it’s a solid kiss-off lyric.

Except it isn’t. It’s actually:

Wait – wait no I never had a chance to love you
Now I only wanna say I love you one more time

From kiss-off to kiss-ass. A weak, wet noodle of a lyric that also sounds a little stalkerish too. I felt so foolish, like the time I found out a lot of the songs Freddie Mercury wrote for Queen’s last album were about his cat.