Dear Prime Minister Brown,

First, my apologies for not sending good wishes to you after you succeeded Tony Blair as Prime Minister. It’s been a busy couple of months, but then look who I’m telling, right?

I know that in the run-up to your appointment, there was a lot of chatter about how you weren’t everyone’s first choice in the job, but you’ve acquitted yourself well, steering the UK through two terrorist attacks with little complaint from either Labour or the Conservatives.

Still, I’d like to offer a bit of constructive criticism on your performances during your first few sessions of Prime Minister Questions. While I’ve never held elective office either here or abroad, I’ve done my share of public speaking, and believe you’d probably seem a bit more ministerial if you STOPPED HITTING THE FRIGGING MICROPHONE WITH YOUR TALKING POINTS!

For the love of Queen and country, man, three times in the last two weeks you’ve smacked the thing like it was a Tory who insulted your beloved Tartan Army. Maybe you need to practice at home more so you stop reminding people that scene from Coming to America.

Just saying,
Our Man In Chicago